Grief is a funny thing. Like water, it can rush in.
My mate mentioned something about messages from his dad and suddenly I was almost in tears thinking about all the silly, informative, daft, annoying messages I used to get from my dad.
And I was at sea, no boat, no life raft, waiting to drown.
Knowing that an important life stage was gone and that I'd lost my most fervent supporter.
The person who, even when super angry with me, was absolutely in my corner.
Unconditionaly love is a gift that goes unnoticed until it's removed and even then you can't exactly put your finger on what's gone.
You get it from your mates, in a form.
The blessed get it from their partners, but somehow it has strings and implications too.
Is this why falling in love is so huge? You are opening doors, deliberately. You are knitting those links and yet, the fear remains somehow that you will be the lover only and not the loved.
That somehow there is a competition afoot and you could come out the loser.
It's hard to maintain equilibrium when in the shadows the whisper that it might not be reciprocal is running incessantly. It makes you nervous, it removes some of the joy, if you listen. But how seductive is that whisper?
I've always loved the sea, it's unpredictability... it's odd constancy in spite of its utter changeability and the fact that its governed by the moon. There's a higher power at work, with many phases, which seldom looks the same.
I will always miss my dad. It is a hole that can never be filled.
And maybe it never should be. If we can't be forever changed by something so huge, it'd be a poor state of affairs.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Saturday, June 07, 2014
Getting ready to burn some bridges
It's not wise but really, if you're in on a Friday night coz your ire is too great and your energy to low for human company, it doesn't take google maps to show you the light about the path you're currently walking.
Or is it an impending big birthday that's leading to late night reflection on the giant scorecard of life?
The extra twenty pounds on my ass? My apparently broken continually chapped left elbow? Going cold turkey on the no fags? Oh the wallowing, the self-pity party, really, even I don't want an invitation
Which is how I know that something's got to give.
And it ain't gonna be me
Update:
Something did give. It was the mental barriers.
The universe provided, as it often does.
life is invariably more good than bad, if you just give it a go
Elbow's still chapped though.
#keepingitrealsies
Or is it an impending big birthday that's leading to late night reflection on the giant scorecard of life?
The extra twenty pounds on my ass? My apparently broken continually chapped left elbow? Going cold turkey on the no fags? Oh the wallowing, the self-pity party, really, even I don't want an invitation
Which is how I know that something's got to give.
And it ain't gonna be me
Update:
Something did give. It was the mental barriers.
The universe provided, as it often does.
life is invariably more good than bad, if you just give it a go
Elbow's still chapped though.
#keepingitrealsies
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
Flashback to Feb' 2010
5th Feb was a Friday.
A day to dream through and ignore. Not that I hadn't been sleepwalking for months, probably since June '09. Stroke week, when for a few days I entirely ceased to exist. And when I came back I was ageless, my birth date reduced to yearless month, a blurred amalgam of myself.
This was my weekend. For me. About something else. I wasn't heading home to jump in the car and get on the A1 to the other home.
Guilt and joy, my twin companions. I ran.
To the station through rush hour commuters and Friday night revellers and headed to Kent, to an untarmac-ed lane and the company of buenos amigos, the oldest and bestest.
And the birthdayest.
With fish and chip. And Max the moo cow patterned cat and Molly the hoover of a labrador, despite her pedigree.
Giant White Company duvets to snuggle under.
Borrowed wellies and daytime drinking. Fresh air on my face and not the incessant mechanised drone of the oxygen converter.
Fabulous food in high camp surroundings, wearing an Eton tie as a belt.
And all against the background of the ticking of the clock.
Time isn't moveable. You don't get to choose. And I could feel it. Even from 4.5 hours away, the change was in the wind.
I had to get back to where my car was. The consequence was no longer hanging in the stars.
Monday 8th, we were drinking tea and talking inconsequentially when suddenly something in the usually Darth Vadar-esque background noise changed.
There was no disturbance in the force, like the day before when I somehow knew that the last grains of sand where in the offing. It was all sonic.
He had never opened his eyes that day. I don't know if he knew I was there.
And he never opened them again.
A day to dream through and ignore. Not that I hadn't been sleepwalking for months, probably since June '09. Stroke week, when for a few days I entirely ceased to exist. And when I came back I was ageless, my birth date reduced to yearless month, a blurred amalgam of myself.
This was my weekend. For me. About something else. I wasn't heading home to jump in the car and get on the A1 to the other home.
Guilt and joy, my twin companions. I ran.
To the station through rush hour commuters and Friday night revellers and headed to Kent, to an untarmac-ed lane and the company of buenos amigos, the oldest and bestest.
And the birthdayest.
With fish and chip. And Max the moo cow patterned cat and Molly the hoover of a labrador, despite her pedigree.
Giant White Company duvets to snuggle under.
Borrowed wellies and daytime drinking. Fresh air on my face and not the incessant mechanised drone of the oxygen converter.
Fabulous food in high camp surroundings, wearing an Eton tie as a belt.
And all against the background of the ticking of the clock.
Time isn't moveable. You don't get to choose. And I could feel it. Even from 4.5 hours away, the change was in the wind.
I had to get back to where my car was. The consequence was no longer hanging in the stars.
Monday 8th, we were drinking tea and talking inconsequentially when suddenly something in the usually Darth Vadar-esque background noise changed.
There was no disturbance in the force, like the day before when I somehow knew that the last grains of sand where in the offing. It was all sonic.
He had never opened his eyes that day. I don't know if he knew I was there.
And he never opened them again.
Keep it simple, stupid
Cause when I look around
I think this, this is good enough
And I try to laugh
At whatever life brings
Cause when I look down
I just miss all the good stuff
When I look up
I just trip over things
(thanks Ms Di Franco)
I think this, this is good enough
And I try to laugh
At whatever life brings
Cause when I look down
I just miss all the good stuff
When I look up
I just trip over things
(thanks Ms Di Franco)
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Derfing it up,
1) Do you think family should stick together no matter what, because, you know, family is family?
I reckon that most of the time that's what happens, but there is probably a finite limit (murder?)
The family you choose can be as important as the one you're born into and you tend to stick to that one like glue, in the face of all kinds of things. Or maybe that's just me. I'm blessed to have a variety of international families.
2) What fad did you partake in that is slightly embarrassing now?
I was a Brosette. Only in it's mildest form, but with Grolsch tops on my shoes and everything. Every single picture that we posed for on our first French Exchange we were in the three poses.
3) If you had to wallpaper your bedroom wall with someone's face, whose face would you choice.
My cat
No bigger love going on right now
4) If you were to write an autobiography, what would you call it?
"And nobody needs that"
5) If money and availability were no object, what artist would you like to own a painting by?
I would like a painting of some youths doing grafitti by a British artist living in Germany, Martha Parsey.
I would also quite like a Rodin sculpture, some Hockney giant montage photography and a Basquiat.
These will be in my imaginary loft, along with a rather wide comfy chaise longue, upon which my imaginary husband, Alexander Skarsgaard and I will recline, eating frozen yoghurt with kiwi fruit pieces.
6) What's your favorite veggie?
Mushrooms. Mange tout (NOT the same as snow peas). Broccolli. Spinach.
7) Buried or cremated? Do you want your ashes scattered someplace special?
I would like to go to organ donation and then to science.
8) What celebrity reminds you of your mother?
Erm, I'm not sure that any celebrity reminds me of my mother.
She would like Kylie Minogue (fellow breast cancer survivor) to play her in the TV movie of her life, if that counts for anything.
Peace out, people, hump day is almost amongst us.
And for the Mexicans amongst us, wooo hooo, Day off on Monday
I reckon that most of the time that's what happens, but there is probably a finite limit (murder?)
The family you choose can be as important as the one you're born into and you tend to stick to that one like glue, in the face of all kinds of things. Or maybe that's just me. I'm blessed to have a variety of international families.
2) What fad did you partake in that is slightly embarrassing now?
I was a Brosette. Only in it's mildest form, but with Grolsch tops on my shoes and everything. Every single picture that we posed for on our first French Exchange we were in the three poses.
3) If you had to wallpaper your bedroom wall with someone's face, whose face would you choice.
My cat
No bigger love going on right now
4) If you were to write an autobiography, what would you call it?
"And nobody needs that"
5) If money and availability were no object, what artist would you like to own a painting by?
I would like a painting of some youths doing grafitti by a British artist living in Germany, Martha Parsey.
I would also quite like a Rodin sculpture, some Hockney giant montage photography and a Basquiat.
These will be in my imaginary loft, along with a rather wide comfy chaise longue, upon which my imaginary husband, Alexander Skarsgaard and I will recline, eating frozen yoghurt with kiwi fruit pieces.
6) What's your favorite veggie?
Mushrooms. Mange tout (NOT the same as snow peas). Broccolli. Spinach.
7) Buried or cremated? Do you want your ashes scattered someplace special?
I would like to go to organ donation and then to science.
8) What celebrity reminds you of your mother?
Erm, I'm not sure that any celebrity reminds me of my mother.
She would like Kylie Minogue (fellow breast cancer survivor) to play her in the TV movie of her life, if that counts for anything.
Peace out, people, hump day is almost amongst us.
And for the Mexicans amongst us, wooo hooo, Day off on Monday
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Ah procrastination, it never gets old
Well, actually, it's been Methusala-esque for donkey's, but hey, I am not quite ready to let it go yet.
My deadline is zooming towards me like a brakeless freight train and still I'm fannying around here rather than knuckling down and doing the bare minimum necessary to survive.
But I'm about to head to the bed, for sitting and paper spreading purposes, rather than the desk of too short to fit my knees under.
It's all getting serious now.
Or time will tell on me...
My deadline is zooming towards me like a brakeless freight train and still I'm fannying around here rather than knuckling down and doing the bare minimum necessary to survive.
But I'm about to head to the bed, for sitting and paper spreading purposes, rather than the desk of too short to fit my knees under.
It's all getting serious now.
Or time will tell on me...
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Take THAT!
There will be NO resubmissions as I've passed the first two. Yip yip.
There's no cockiness afoot. more an overwhealming sense of relief that the huge amount of work undertaken has paid off. at least a little bit
There's no cockiness afoot. more an overwhealming sense of relief that the huge amount of work undertaken has paid off. at least a little bit
Sunday, January 06, 2013
1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Moved to live in Mexico
Worked full time as a teacher
Started work at 7am a lot
Ate cactus
Drank mezcal
2. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Aye few folks did
3. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope, thank goodness
4. What countries did you visit?
Mexico, UK, US (Florida). It was SLOW year.
5. What was your favorite TV program?
Cadena Tres - Infames. the shoe budget alone could keep a continent in fuel for years
6. What were your favorite films of the year?
Dunno, further reflection needed.
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Shouting away merrily in Spanish all over Ciudad Juarez at new year and being understood at various bars and parties
8. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Going out, Spanish speaking, snogging, writing, again as always
9. What was the best thing you bought?
Plane ticket for Chris and Char's wedding
10. Where did most of your money go?
In my face
11. What did you get really excited about?
New Mexi experiences, Chris and Char's wedding, Oaxaca cheese, going to Juarez at Christmas, avocado and chipotle with everything, amigos and good times
12. What song will always remind you of 2012?
LMFAO - Bodyrockers coz the restaurant near the house plays it a million times a week.
Yo no se manana too.
17. Best restaurant meal of the year?
A thousand street tortas
18. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Lying in on sunny mornings.
19. What is one valuable lesson you learned in 2012?
There cannot be too much chipotle.
20. Who did you most tire hearing about in 2012?
the Olympics, One Direction and Justin Bieber
Moved to live in Mexico
Worked full time as a teacher
Started work at 7am a lot
Ate cactus
Drank mezcal
2. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Aye few folks did
3. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope, thank goodness
4. What countries did you visit?
Mexico, UK, US (Florida). It was SLOW year.
5. What was your favorite TV program?
Cadena Tres - Infames. the shoe budget alone could keep a continent in fuel for years
6. What were your favorite films of the year?
Dunno, further reflection needed.
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Shouting away merrily in Spanish all over Ciudad Juarez at new year and being understood at various bars and parties
8. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Going out, Spanish speaking, snogging, writing, again as always
9. What was the best thing you bought?
Plane ticket for Chris and Char's wedding
10. Where did most of your money go?
In my face
11. What did you get really excited about?
New Mexi experiences, Chris and Char's wedding, Oaxaca cheese, going to Juarez at Christmas, avocado and chipotle with everything, amigos and good times
12. What song will always remind you of 2012?
LMFAO - Bodyrockers coz the restaurant near the house plays it a million times a week.
Yo no se manana too.
17. Best restaurant meal of the year?
A thousand street tortas
18. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Lying in on sunny mornings.
19. What is one valuable lesson you learned in 2012?
There cannot be too much chipotle.
20. Who did you most tire hearing about in 2012?
the Olympics, One Direction and Justin Bieber
2013 already
Blimey, did I really go that many months without posting? that's insane.
Well dear readers, here's hoping 2012 was a belter.
What I regret in 2012:
I regret not exploring more of Mexico coz of my weekend class. I don't regret them, they were sound human beings, with no concept of time keeping whatsoever, but hey, there we go.
I regret not having a Tardis so I could zip between continents and events at will.
I regret not speaking more espanol to my fine Mexifriends earlier in Year One of Mexican living, coz then I would have kick ass Spanish by now, instead of above average.
That's it. I ain't really big on the regrets.
I like the Angelou take on it.
So 2013 needs to be sin disculpas.
That is all.
Peace out.
Well dear readers, here's hoping 2012 was a belter.
What I regret in 2012:
I regret not exploring more of Mexico coz of my weekend class. I don't regret them, they were sound human beings, with no concept of time keeping whatsoever, but hey, there we go.
I regret not having a Tardis so I could zip between continents and events at will.
I regret not speaking more espanol to my fine Mexifriends earlier in Year One of Mexican living, coz then I would have kick ass Spanish by now, instead of above average.
That's it. I ain't really big on the regrets.
I like the Angelou take on it.
So 2013 needs to be sin disculpas.
That is all.
Peace out.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Estoy
en Mexico, people.
It's pretty tremendous, all things taken into account, even the massive commuting issues.
more to come in future days now that i have a functional laptop
It's pretty tremendous, all things taken into account, even the massive commuting issues.
more to come in future days now that i have a functional laptop
Thursday, January 19, 2012
A little bit of Derfwad
Thanks for this Mrs GGGGGGGGGGGG
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
I went to (are you ready)
Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, Chile, Argentina, Uruguay, Paraguay and Brazil
2. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My lovely mate had a baby boy
3. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year, for a nice change
4. What countries did you visit?
See Q1
5. What was your favorite TV program?
I didn't see much TV this year coz I was away but it probably the Aussie Masterchef
6. What were your favorite films of the year?
I liked Rango
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I went away. And a managed to come back . I realised how much weight I'd gained and how being unhealthy was negatively effecting what I was able to do on my wonder trip (although interestingly one thing it didn't effect was my ability to go home with a complete hottie), so I got it together and ditched a couple of stone by Christmas.
8. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sky diving, because i was too heavy. Writing, because I spent the first 7 months of last year thinking, reflecting, absorbing and chatting up a storm.
9. What was the best thing you bought?
I-pod touch - greatest travel gadget ever.
10. Where did most of your money go?
Travel travel travel, food, beverages, gifts and posting them home
11. What did you get really excited about?
Seeing Bag End and the other hobbit holes, Stephen's birthday, Vietnamese new year
12. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Pink - Raise Your Glass
17. Best restaurant meal of the year?
La Gran Parilla, in San Telmo
18. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Eating rubbish - turn out it takes month to work that off!
19. What is one valuable lesson you learned in 2011?
How every far away, you will always love them and they will always love you, but no one's life will stop.
20. Who did you most tire hearing about in 2011?
Nothing really. But i'm sorta over the Olympics already (not interms of sporting endeavour, just the endless banging on about it and speculation. Bring on the opening fire works).
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
I went to (are you ready)
Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, Chile, Argentina, Uruguay, Paraguay and Brazil
2. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My lovely mate had a baby boy
3. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year, for a nice change
4. What countries did you visit?
See Q1
5. What was your favorite TV program?
I didn't see much TV this year coz I was away but it probably the Aussie Masterchef
6. What were your favorite films of the year?
I liked Rango
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I went away. And a managed to come back . I realised how much weight I'd gained and how being unhealthy was negatively effecting what I was able to do on my wonder trip (although interestingly one thing it didn't effect was my ability to go home with a complete hottie), so I got it together and ditched a couple of stone by Christmas.
8. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sky diving, because i was too heavy. Writing, because I spent the first 7 months of last year thinking, reflecting, absorbing and chatting up a storm.
9. What was the best thing you bought?
I-pod touch - greatest travel gadget ever.
10. Where did most of your money go?
Travel travel travel, food, beverages, gifts and posting them home
11. What did you get really excited about?
Seeing Bag End and the other hobbit holes, Stephen's birthday, Vietnamese new year
12. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Pink - Raise Your Glass
17. Best restaurant meal of the year?
La Gran Parilla, in San Telmo
18. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Eating rubbish - turn out it takes month to work that off!
19. What is one valuable lesson you learned in 2011?
How every far away, you will always love them and they will always love you, but no one's life will stop.
20. Who did you most tire hearing about in 2011?
Nothing really. But i'm sorta over the Olympics already (not interms of sporting endeavour, just the endless banging on about it and speculation. Bring on the opening fire works).
Monday, July 11, 2011
Derfwad - siempre en mi corazon
Well, it's been a while, eh?
I've racked up thousands of miles and 3 or 4 continents. More on that later.
In the mean time, a post for Derfwad (http://derfwadmanor.squarespace.com)
1) I don't have a kitchen floor at present, i'm technically homeless. I did just squeedggeeee the shower room floor in the hostel that I'm staying in, in Buenos Aires, if that counts. Largely so that I could dry myself on a dry floor, so not at all altruistic behaviour.
When i did have a tiny kitchen in merry old London, I mopped the floor at least once a year.
I would hoover it once a week, sweep it daily and go over it with antiseptic wipes whenever anything scarily splattery got on it, but the mop didn't put in more than a cursory appearance.
2) No, I have never been in a physical fight. Being quite tall since I was young, various people offered me out (as we say round my way in merry old Nottinghamshire, England) but my utter apparent willingness to take them on left me broadly fight free. That and I could make them laugh instead. I'm a lover, Mrs G, not a fighter. Or some such.
3) I have given this a lot of thought, as I have one of the most classic run of the mill first names ever and as a teen I constantly wanted to change it for something more glamorous. But could never come up with something better. And now I'm sort of used to it. But if I ever take up with someone with a terribly dramatic long surname (Norwegian patronimic or multiple surnamed Latino) I might ditch my Christian name and have my surname for my first name, if you get me. Then my actual name can become a family secret amongst the beloved. (wow. I'm proper crazy)
4) Again, no house... In my old flat, I liked the living room coz it was bright and airy, my rocking chair was in there and it was cool to sit on the wide stone window cill and dangle my legs out as I gazed down the long garden. Basically i like any good spots for reading in a patch of sunshine. I'm like a literary cat.
5) I've covered this in some old posts on this very blog - 'I look like that hooker off telly' - one Billie Piper, who plays Belle in Secret Diary of a Call Girl, and Rose on Doctor Who
for more info see:
http://outofmytinymind.blogspot.com/2008/08/rose-tyler-one-of-my-many-alter-egos.html
6) The Changling with Ange Jolie, in the middle of the night in Rio the other day, when we tuned in part way through, only to become gripped and then by some weird quirk of programming, they showed the exact same film back to back, so we could watch the beginning, after the end, as it were. Whilst eating a pizza. At 2am. Man, I love the hours in South America countries.
7) Yep. No one can really dance to music in discos. Enthusiasm is the key. I am going to do a tango lesson shortly. Then I can become utterly shameless on the dance front. Yipee. I might be rubbish but you've gotta put it out there. Life's for the living
8) Back in old London town, a variety of books, some dust bunnies, various packs of printed photos, some hair ties, escapee tablets, a bottle of water, a big box of clothes, some weights (rather dusty from under use), my flute and a guitar tuner. Right this second, nothing as the bed frame is sort of a big solid box. But very comfy none the less.
9) Calling with good news - my mum or my bessie mate. Or whatever fun person is closest to where I'm stood. Someone who would enjoy it and get a kick out of it themselves.
10) In Nottinghamshire, with its lush greeness and forest, in a teeny mining village where the last bus left at 7.30pm or maybe 8pm on a racy night. We biked around, wandered through farmers fields, played on the train tracks as the train went past (yikes), went to the Horse and Jockey pub in town and tried to get served and generally got down with all the 80s tunes, films, hair, leggings and bangles. With occasional jousting (Robin Hood Festival is BIG DEAL here in his home)
11) I am afraid of hospitals. The smell, the colour of the walls. I am afraid of cockroaches. the weird clicking sound that they make, which now I come to think about it, is not entirely unsimilar to the noise of the keys on this netbook. Eurrggghhhh! But I'm not paralysed by fear of either, so no, fairly phobia free ta.
12) Laughter in the face of adversity. Which may be perceived as flippancy but actually takes more effort than you'd think.
13) Yes, I am a morning and a night person. I'm just not a mid-afternoon person. There tends to be a bit of a lull.
14) I won't get sucked back into the 9 to 5 rat race when I get back from my trip. I am striving to make it true too, but worry that it could be a lie.
15) Bruises? No, not really.
16) NO pulp please. And can it be frozen and passionfruit? Marvellous.
Peace out ladies, have a great day
I've racked up thousands of miles and 3 or 4 continents. More on that later.
In the mean time, a post for Derfwad (http://derfwadmanor.squarespace.com)
1) I don't have a kitchen floor at present, i'm technically homeless. I did just squeedggeeee the shower room floor in the hostel that I'm staying in, in Buenos Aires, if that counts. Largely so that I could dry myself on a dry floor, so not at all altruistic behaviour.
When i did have a tiny kitchen in merry old London, I mopped the floor at least once a year.
I would hoover it once a week, sweep it daily and go over it with antiseptic wipes whenever anything scarily splattery got on it, but the mop didn't put in more than a cursory appearance.
2) No, I have never been in a physical fight. Being quite tall since I was young, various people offered me out (as we say round my way in merry old Nottinghamshire, England) but my utter apparent willingness to take them on left me broadly fight free. That and I could make them laugh instead. I'm a lover, Mrs G, not a fighter. Or some such.
3) I have given this a lot of thought, as I have one of the most classic run of the mill first names ever and as a teen I constantly wanted to change it for something more glamorous. But could never come up with something better. And now I'm sort of used to it. But if I ever take up with someone with a terribly dramatic long surname (Norwegian patronimic or multiple surnamed Latino) I might ditch my Christian name and have my surname for my first name, if you get me. Then my actual name can become a family secret amongst the beloved. (wow. I'm proper crazy)
4) Again, no house... In my old flat, I liked the living room coz it was bright and airy, my rocking chair was in there and it was cool to sit on the wide stone window cill and dangle my legs out as I gazed down the long garden. Basically i like any good spots for reading in a patch of sunshine. I'm like a literary cat.
5) I've covered this in some old posts on this very blog - 'I look like that hooker off telly' - one Billie Piper, who plays Belle in Secret Diary of a Call Girl, and Rose on Doctor Who
for more info see:
http://outofmytinymind.blogspot.com/2008/08/rose-tyler-one-of-my-many-alter-egos.html
6) The Changling with Ange Jolie, in the middle of the night in Rio the other day, when we tuned in part way through, only to become gripped and then by some weird quirk of programming, they showed the exact same film back to back, so we could watch the beginning, after the end, as it were. Whilst eating a pizza. At 2am. Man, I love the hours in South America countries.
7) Yep. No one can really dance to music in discos. Enthusiasm is the key. I am going to do a tango lesson shortly. Then I can become utterly shameless on the dance front. Yipee. I might be rubbish but you've gotta put it out there. Life's for the living
8) Back in old London town, a variety of books, some dust bunnies, various packs of printed photos, some hair ties, escapee tablets, a bottle of water, a big box of clothes, some weights (rather dusty from under use), my flute and a guitar tuner. Right this second, nothing as the bed frame is sort of a big solid box. But very comfy none the less.
9) Calling with good news - my mum or my bessie mate. Or whatever fun person is closest to where I'm stood. Someone who would enjoy it and get a kick out of it themselves.
10) In Nottinghamshire, with its lush greeness and forest, in a teeny mining village where the last bus left at 7.30pm or maybe 8pm on a racy night. We biked around, wandered through farmers fields, played on the train tracks as the train went past (yikes), went to the Horse and Jockey pub in town and tried to get served and generally got down with all the 80s tunes, films, hair, leggings and bangles. With occasional jousting (Robin Hood Festival is BIG DEAL here in his home)
11) I am afraid of hospitals. The smell, the colour of the walls. I am afraid of cockroaches. the weird clicking sound that they make, which now I come to think about it, is not entirely unsimilar to the noise of the keys on this netbook. Eurrggghhhh! But I'm not paralysed by fear of either, so no, fairly phobia free ta.
12) Laughter in the face of adversity. Which may be perceived as flippancy but actually takes more effort than you'd think.
13) Yes, I am a morning and a night person. I'm just not a mid-afternoon person. There tends to be a bit of a lull.
14) I won't get sucked back into the 9 to 5 rat race when I get back from my trip. I am striving to make it true too, but worry that it could be a lie.
15) Bruises? No, not really.
16) NO pulp please. And can it be frozen and passionfruit? Marvellous.
Peace out ladies, have a great day
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
The big enormous world
is a far and wide place with lots of great things in it, to eat and photograph and smell and experience and see
i'm working on it.
Well, a few tiny chunks of it.
New Zealand is one of the most glorious chunks of it though
Get here soon folks, before everyone finds out
i'm working on it.
Well, a few tiny chunks of it.
New Zealand is one of the most glorious chunks of it though
Get here soon folks, before everyone finds out
Monday, December 06, 2010
Talking to your family
is great, ain't it?
My aunt: Have you got a proper boyfriend yet?
Me: ...short speechless silence during which i wonder if i've accidentally dialled back in time somehow and shortly I will get told off for spending too much time on the phone and asked by my mum to provide my PE kit for washing coz it's hockey tomorrow.
WFT - boyfriend?
I haven't had one of those for YEARS.
It's a term that makes me recoil, even though I don't have a good alternative.
I loathe girlfriend with an equally fiery passion.
Best answer to this question came from Dodo:
Surely an improper one would be better?
Fabulous.
That I can do. Ha ha.
Therefore, whyfore the label worry?
Who can tell?
I guess because growing up it was a question that often had a negative answer, it still flicks me on a sore spot.
peace out people, we're all someones boy or girlfriend, sometime
My aunt: Have you got a proper boyfriend yet?
Me: ...short speechless silence during which i wonder if i've accidentally dialled back in time somehow and shortly I will get told off for spending too much time on the phone and asked by my mum to provide my PE kit for washing coz it's hockey tomorrow.
WFT - boyfriend?
I haven't had one of those for YEARS.
It's a term that makes me recoil, even though I don't have a good alternative.
I loathe girlfriend with an equally fiery passion.
Best answer to this question came from Dodo:
Surely an improper one would be better?
Fabulous.
That I can do. Ha ha.
Therefore, whyfore the label worry?
Who can tell?
I guess because growing up it was a question that often had a negative answer, it still flicks me on a sore spot.
peace out people, we're all someones boy or girlfriend, sometime
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Cautionary tales for girls from Maya Angelou
They went home and told their wives,
that never once in all their lives,
had they known a girl like me,
But... They went home.
They said my house was licking clean,
no word I spoke was ever mean,
I had an air of mystery,
But... They went home.
My praises were on all men's lips,
they liked my smile, my wit, my hips,
they'd spend one night, or two or three.
But...
that never once in all their lives,
had they known a girl like me,
But... They went home.
They said my house was licking clean,
no word I spoke was ever mean,
I had an air of mystery,
But... They went home.
My praises were on all men's lips,
they liked my smile, my wit, my hips,
they'd spend one night, or two or three.
But...
wedding tunes
I ought to be resolving the query I'm running on a database
but i'm doing a playlist for the wedding instead.
I'm kicking off with Stand and Deliver and closing with Ain't No Other Man.
it's purely belter and a bit eclectic
Right recalcitrant database, thy days are numbered. you will behave
Peace out folks
but i'm doing a playlist for the wedding instead.
I'm kicking off with Stand and Deliver and closing with Ain't No Other Man.
it's purely belter and a bit eclectic
Right recalcitrant database, thy days are numbered. you will behave
Peace out folks
Thursday, September 23, 2010
And she cries in the night
Today would have been my dad's birthday.
Do you stop having birthdays when you die?
Or is that dictated by fame? Mozart will have a birthday for decades but in 20 more years, Led Zeppelin's will be faded moment in the history of brief lives lived large on a world stage?
Anyhow, there it is. He is no more and yet the day remains. And it needs marking.
So it's a commemoration thing. At the commemorative bench.
'Sometimes I sits.
And sometimes I sits and thinks'.
Hug your people tight folks, because we are on a rock that's spinning silently.
Do you stop having birthdays when you die?
Or is that dictated by fame? Mozart will have a birthday for decades but in 20 more years, Led Zeppelin's will be faded moment in the history of brief lives lived large on a world stage?
Anyhow, there it is. He is no more and yet the day remains. And it needs marking.
So it's a commemoration thing. At the commemorative bench.
'Sometimes I sits.
And sometimes I sits and thinks'.
Hug your people tight folks, because we are on a rock that's spinning silently.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Amortised
Isn't it a great word?
Visually, it has something gothic going for it and it would have to be said that diminishing debt by regular payment by installments is an almost other worldly concept in these hectic days of ours.
I am debt free.
You can perhaps conceive of the wonder that it is to type that.
I pay things off at the end of the month. Me. I don't have to split the lump sum and spread it across a variety of interest free cards any more. YOWSER.
Peace out folks and keep chipping away, one day it'll be gone
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