as you may be aware, or not, i can't remember what i've covered or when i began so perhaps not. and if not many folk are reading it, what's the validity and did i ought to be pushing for a wider audience. ahh the questions, the questions.
but anyway, back to my original train of thought, you may be aware that i go a long time between kisses.
one of my more gobby acquaintances suggested this is because i have intimacy issues. this does not mean, as i first interpreted it, that i'm a bit of a frigid old bag, but rather that i'm not brilliant on the letting people in/leaning on people front. There is some suppporting evidence for this thesis. i do NOT like to be weak. although i'm not actually certain of what i define being weak to be. it's like the not being trapped thing. i'm figuring out my wiggins was i go.
this cautiousness seems to be inate in my family and in particular to the branch relating to my dad's brother's children, who have for the most part been jolly cautious.
it was a bit sad to hear my bright sparky youngest cousin say 'well really when it come to stable relationships there haven't been many examples near me ever. after all, my dad just got married for the 5th time and my mum just got divorced for the 4th'.
As i looked across the table at my mum and dad who will have been married for 39 years in November, i thought 'blimey, i'm from an entirely different foundation. could this be the source of the strength?'.
and then i reflected back to being a teenager and finding my parents fascinating.
my dad who loved beer, his Volvo, fags, walking, music
my mum who has never so much as inhaled, is pie eyed on a schooner of sherry, scarcely drives on B roads and has the musicality of pebble. she too likes the walking.
other than each other, i couldn't see it at all.
i wondered what made it work and how it worked and the ten bajillion other questions you bring to everything. and then one day i met someone who i just clicked with, who didn't hold a regular job, and smoked and took party pills and seemed to bimble about and you never saw them with a book and i realised that if it ain't broke, you don't need to fix it and that knowing everything isn't always the answers.
we're all just doing the best that we can at the time with the info that we have.
and so i'm giving 3 cheers to the new Mister and Missus F and hoping that they have a cracking life together