so i'm actually typing all this in a very precarious position, with lap top balanced on my tummy, head wedged against the headboard, bright pink rider skullcandy headphones on even though there's no soound but the drumming of my fingers on the keys.
i've got the occasional shakes which is nice. Do you ever get that thing where your knee is like totally out of control? it's like that only my whole leg and i'm focusing very intently on everything that i'm doing a present so i don't psyche myself out about my various worries.
I started counselling last week and it pretty much ripped the top off my head and let things come leaping forward and then you realise quite how down you are and how much of yourself you've given away and the distance there is to travel and frankly you'd quite like to run the inca trail carrying the 40 stone virgin. you are frodo and mordor is endless.
only it's worse than that because there is no fellowship (i'm not dissing my excellent circle of supportive amigos here, they're fabulous) in the middle of the night or on the bus or that random moment when it all begins to assail you and there's a lot of stuff to work through.
And i sort of feel like i'm all alone in the dark, whilst also feeling that i now know where there's a torch. i'm just not near it.
I may have to mainline some biffy.
i would start to think on the things that came out of last week but frankly that would be like punching myself repeatedly in the head right now so maybe i'll save that for tomorrow.
Perhaps i could think about it as i jog slowly rround the very small block.
i'm in here. Somewhere.
Actually, this post was going to be entirely trivial and flippant. The worst part of the night being when the website that's got all episodesof One Tree Hill from the beginning on it kicks me out for having watched 58 mins today. boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.